Safe
by Holdin4Hope
Summary: BL. AU. "That's the thing, Luke. That's why I'm here. I could never hate you. And believe me, I've tried."


The complete lack of anything Brucas has been killing my inspiration lately. However, my hope for anything BL related has resulted in this. Huge thanks to Z (ariadnescurse) for reading over this and giving me her thoughts—and then encouraging me to post.

Reviews, good or bad, are greatly appreciated…

* * *

"I think I'm gonna go home, go back to Tree Hill," tiredness from the conversation they were having evident in his voice.

"I know. You should. Everyone will be so happy to have you back," she responded, the tiredness in her voice mirroring his.

"Probably not everyone." he stated quietly.

"Oh Luke. She will be. She won't tell you she is, but she will be the happiest of everybody. Just give her time."

And with that, their eight year relationship was over.

* * *

He couldn't remember exactly when it happened. He supposed it was in Junior High when they'd been paired together for a class assignment. He remembered thinking that he was doomed, that she didn't care about anything other than popularity and her looks, so he'd have to do all the work. But, to his surprise, she'd worked just as hard as he did. Of course, she worked hard and still rambled on and on about nothing and everything. He remembers that when they turned the assignment in, he was actually upset because now he wouldn't have a reason to hang out with her. Yet, she'd been at his locker waiting at the end of the day just like she had on the days they'd worked on their project. He'd given her a questioning look, to which she just gave him a dimpled smile and said they should go have hot chocolate to celebrate getting a good grade on their project.

Over the next couple of days she'd be at his locker at the end of the day with some sort of excuse as to why they had to go have hot chocolate. Eventually she stopped coming up with excuses, yet she was always at his locker waiting at the end of the day. And they always headed over to his mom's cafe where she would ramble on about the latest gossip, and he would sit quietly listening and offering a generic response such as "No, he didn't!" or "I can't believe her nerve!" when it was required. Their friendship surprised most, as they were the exact opposite of one another, but it quickly became something neither could live without.

Now, almost twelve years later, he wished they were that close.

_"Broody, I'm not having fun. Let's get out of here."_

_"Well, Cheery, since it's almost midnight, where do you suppose we go?"_

_"Ummm...Let's go to the beach!" she'd all but screamed while clapping her hands in excitement._

_"It's October and you want to go to the beach?! Are you crazy??!!" _

_"Oh come on Broody. Live a little! I promise not to drown." she laughed while pulling him out the door of the party they had been at._

She didn't get in the water that night. Instead, they'd wound up talking while cuddled up underneath a blanket he'd- thankfully- had in the back of his truck. She'd opened up about how her parents not being home for her birthday this year had hurt worse than she'd thought. How she hated being alone in the big empty house all the time. And how she wished not everyone saw her as a party girl. She was just a teenager trying to find her own, and yes, even she studied and crammed for tests just like everyone else. He'd opened up about Dan and how even though being around Nathan was still new to him, he liked where their friendship was headed and thought that maybe one day they would almost act like brothers. He'd talked about how his mom and Keith should just stop fighting it and realize they are good together. And they'd both talked about their friendship and how important it was to them. Sometime that night they'd deemed that spot on the beach their's. This was where they would go to hang out and talk, or to laugh and cut up, or just to sit. It didn't matter what, this would be their spot. This was the one spot where they would always be there for each other, no matter what.

Memories of times they'd spent together flooded him on the drive to Tree Hill. And, much to his dismay, not all of them were good memories.

_"Hey Broody, I was just getting ready to head out. Tell your mom I've got my own marshmallows so she doesn't have to hide hers this time. I won't eat them all!" she answered the phone laughing._

_"Um, Brooke-" he started but she cut him off._

_"The only time you call me Brooke after I've called you Broody is if you are fixing to say something I don't want to hear...your canceling on me, again, aren't you?" she said quietly._

_"Brooke I'm sorry, it's just Peyton made plans for us and she went through a lot of trouble so I'd hate to cancel on her."_

_"Oh, you'd hate to cancel on her? But you have no problem canceling on me, huh? Do you know how many times you've canceled on me lately? When was the last time we went to the cafe on a Sunday night, huh? Do you even remember? Cause I sure don't!" she'd paused, and taken a deep breath before continuing," You know what, just forget it. Forget I said anything; you have been here lately anyway. Have a good time with Peyton tonight. See you tomorrow at school." And with that, she'd hung up on him._

He remembers that night. That was the first night he'd ever heard her get mad at him for canceling. And, when he thought back on it, he'd been canceling on her a lot. He'd tried to make it up to her, but Peyton always seemed to have something planned and more and more time seemed to go by causing him and Brooke to grow further and further apart. Then, he'd made another dumb move and the look on her face was one he was sure he would never forget seeing.

_"Ok let me get one of all the graduates together!" Karen said, trying desperately to be heard over all the screaming and laughing teenagers._

_Karen had managed to coral the group of teenagers and snap a couple of pictures before they all dispersed carrying on with one another._

_"Oh hey guys, I want to introduce you to my dad." Peyton had said, calling everyone over. Although somewhat timid, Brooke had headed over towards her father while Peyton began making introductions._

_"And this is Brooke, she's an old friend of Lucas'" Brooke's eyes had immediately gone to Lucas', begging him to correct what Peyton had just said, her eyes pleading with his. Yet, when she'd realized he wasn't going to say anything to correct what was just said, the look of disappointment and sadness that crossed her face was there and gone in an instant. She'd simply looked back to Larry Sawyer, told him it was nice to meet him and said something about going to meet up with Bevin and Rachel for more pictures. With one last look at Lucas, she'd walked away. _

One of his biggest regrets was that he'd let her walk away. He remembers not being able to look Nathan and Haley in the eyes, knowing that he would only be met with disappointment. He remembers Peyton seeming to not even notice what had just happened; she'd just tightened her fingers with his. But mostly, he remembers the look that crossed Brooke's face.

* * *

Unable to concentrate on the sketch pad in front of her, she finally gave up. Sipping on her glass of wine and staring out at the water, she allowed the thoughts that had been threatening her since this afternoon to finally take over. She'd been sitting in the cafe with Haley and Karen talking about getting started on Christmas shopping when he'd walked in. For a brief instant their eyes had met and she couldn't describe what she saw in them. There was a time when she could read him better than anyone, but too much time had passed and too many things had happened between them. She didn't know him anymore.

Once Karen and Haley had realized it was really him, they'd both jumped up and hugged him. She'd gotten up from the booth slowly, grabbing her purse and sunglasses, and made her way over the reunion that was taking place. Their eyes met again and she still couldn't explain what she saw. She'd given him a small hug and a small smile and told him it was good to see him but she had to get back to work. She silently prayed that neither Karen nor Haley would say anything, as they both knew she didn't have to get back to work. Yet, she needed to get out of the cafe.

After busying herself all afternoon, she'd come home and pulled out her sketch pad. Hoping she could will some new design ideas out so she didn't have to think about him or why he was home unexpectedly, and more so, why he was home alone. Her plan, however, did not work. So, here she sat with her wine staring out at the water thinking about him and everything they'd been through over the years.

Twelve years ago when they'd been paired together for an assignment she'd actually been excited. She'd had classes with him for years and she knew he was Nathan's half-brother, but he hardly ever talked and that, of course, intrigued her. She remembered being disappointed when the project was over because they wouldn't have to spend so much time together. Yet, to test him out and see how he felt, she still showed up at his locker after school with reasons why they should have hot chocolate. A little while after that, she'd decided to show up without an excuse and see what happened. She never would have expected the friendship that followed, but she'd never been more thankful for anything. He seemed to see past what every one else saw. He seemed to see her. So, she'd let her guard down and she'd been herself with him.

She opened up to him about things she'd never been able to tell anyone, not even Haley. And he never once seemed to judge or criticize her for any of it. They may have been opposites of one another, but everyone could see how much fun they had with one another.

_Brooke and Haley were sitting on the picnic table complaining about another afternoon spent at the River court watching them play. Lucas had just beat Nathan in a game of HORSE and both girls went running on to the court. Reaching Lucas, Brooke jumped on his back._

_"Whoa, are you trying to kill me?" he said laughing while trying to steady his balance._

_"Nope, you should walk around like you are a horse now." she responded while pulling on his shirt like it was reigns._

_"Cheery, you do know that I won the game right? Shouldn't you be on Nathan's back right now making him act like a horse?"_

_"No, I should not! I am teaching you a lesson, Lucas Scott. He is your younger brother. You should let him win once in a while." she said while trying to keep a serious face._

_"Not a chance, Cheery, not a chance" he'd said while sticking his tongue out at her._

They'd both been laughing so hard at that point neither had noticed Haley pull out her camera and snap pictures of them. One of the pictures Haley had taken was in a frame sitting on Brooke's desk in her office. Even if he didn't remember, Brooke remembered that they used to be a big part of each other's lives. They used to have fun together. Brooke kept this picture out to remind herself that it was real and that they were important to one another. All other pictures of her and Lucas had long since been boxed away. In fact, when moving back to Tree Hill after college that was the only picture she'd allowed herself to keep out.

Adjusting to life without Lucas had been hard on Brooke. When they first started to drift apart she felt like they were on a roller coaster. She would just be beginning to get used to life without him, then he would show back up. Things would be 'normal' for a little while, then they would fall back where they were- Lucas canceling on her and her pretending it was ok and that it didn't hurt as much as it did. However, the night before she'd left for her internship in LA, he'd made it pretty easy to give up on their friendship.

_"Please Cheery. One last night of me and you. We'll go out to our spot, we can go have hot chocolate, we can even watch Weird Science if you want to." he'd pleaded with her._

_"Lucas, it's too hot for hot chocolate." she responded, desperately trying to not fall for something that would only leave her disappointed._

_"Don't call me Lucas. And I don't care what the weather is. Come on Brooke, tonight is just about me and you. You leave tomorrow. I'm going to call and tell Peyton we can go to the movies tomorrow night. I need to spend tonight with you. It's your last night in Tree Hill. After this, we'll only see each other on holidays and breaks from school. Please Brooke. Look, I'm not taking no for an answer. I'll be by to get you at 7, just be ready." _

_After a few moments of silence, she'd finally given in, "Fine. 7 it is." was all she'd said._

Brooke had tried not to get excited, after all, he'd been constantly letting her down lately. Graduation had been the worst; he just stood there while Peyton all but dismissed their friendship as nothing. When she'd finally let him in to apologize, he'd seemed sincerely sorry. Things had been ok with them for a while after that, but slowly they'd begun to drift apart and he'd started canceling on her again. She had hoped he would come through for her that night; she wasn't sure how many more ups and downs she could face on this roller coaster with him.

Seven o'clock came and went that night, as did eight and nine. She made excuses in her head as to why he was late and kept mindlessly flipping through the television channels while she waited for him. By midnight, she'd finally given in and accepted that he wasn't coming. She turned off the front porch light and collapsed on her bed in tears. She'd let herself believe, once again, that she was important to Lucas and that he would be there for her. Who was she kidding? If she was up against Peyton, Peyton would win every time. Lucas had more than proved that to her.

He had, of course, shown up the next morning. She figured he wanted to apologize, but tired of going back and forth with him, she'd nodded in his direction then she'd gotten into the cab and told the driver to go. She'd whispered "_have a nice life, Luke" _and prayed she wouldn't look back. And, to her relief, she didn't look back. Not for a couple of years anyway. She'd managed to avoid coming home while she was away at college, constantly busy with her new life and the new people it held. Yet, as college graduation neared and everyone started talking about where they would settle, Brooke had known it was time to stop running. She'd known it was time to return home.

Haley and Karen had been ecstatic to see her return. And, to her surprise, even Nathan had been excited to see her come home. Things seemed to fall into place for Brooke when she returned. Her clothing store opened and was doing better than she could have imagined, and she was content to hang out with Nathan, Haley, and Karen on her weekends. She bought a house that overlooked the water and settled into her life back in Tree Hill. Yet, she'd known with Thanksgiving coming up, there was a good chance she was going to have to face Lucas. And, she'd been right. Karen had insisted everyone come over for Thanksgiving dinner. Brooke had been reluctant at first, but then realized that years had passed and there was no reason they couldn't be adults and at least be civil towards one another.

And they'd been just that for every holiday and other occasion he was home since. They always spoke to one another, always asked how life was going. There were times when they would make eye contact with one another and looks seemed to say more than words ever could. She almost swore she saw regret and guilt in his eyes, yet no deep conversations ever took place between them. Brooke had begun to prepare herself for the engagement news that she was sure was near, after all, they'd been together so long wasn't marriage the next step? Yet, he'd shown up this afternoon with out Peyton and there was something in his eyes she couldn't quite pinpoint.

"Lean on Me" began to play out on her cell phone bringing her back to reality. Knowing who it was without even looking, her hands started shaking. Picking up her phone, she prayed it was only a text, knowing that she couldn't steady her voice enough right now to talk to him.

Thankfully it had been just a text. _"i know i don't deserve it, but meet me at our spot. please" _Sighing, she sat up and rubbed her forehead. _"Oh, Broody I can't take another roller coaster ride with you,"_ she'd said out loud. Yet, she'd know when she saw him walk in the cafe this afternoon that if he'd asked, she'd be there. So, noting how windy it was, she'd grabbed a blanket and headed out to their spot.

* * *

The sun was just setting but she could make out his figure staring out at the water. Trying to steady her shaking hands, she slowly made her way towards him.

"I didn't think you'd show," he said quietly as she approached him.

"To be honest, I don't know why I'm here," she replied with a small smile, "but I am." And that was all she felt she owed him right now.

Silence over took them, her not wanting to say anything and him not knowing where to start. After a few minutes of watching and listening to the waves crash, he finally started. "I've practiced what I would say to you over and over again, pictured it word for word in my head, even writing it down a few times along the way. Yet, here I am and I don't know what to say or where to start. I'm sorry just doesn't do you justice. You deserve more than that." he'd said quietly. "It wouldn't surprise me if you hated me," he'd whispered that part, afraid if he said it too loudly she would agree with him.

"That's the thing, Luke. That's why I'm here. I could never hate you. And believe me, I've tried," she replied with a slight laugh, "I've tried harder to hate you than I have to understand how you could do this. I've tried harder to hate you than you could ever imagine. But, that's the problem. I could never hate you. And I don't know what kind of person that makes me, I should hate you. I should hate you for every promise you broke and I should hate you for every moment you haven't been there over the last eight years, and I should hate you for forgetting about me. But I can't. I just can't. I mean, I can't even change the stupid ring tone on my phone that you put on there as a joke sophomore year. So, no, I don't hate you. I can't," surprised she'd said that much to him so quickly, she took a deep breath in and tried to make sure there were no tears on the verge of falling. She definitely did not need tears right now.

A little taken aback by her sharp honesty, he stared at a spot in the sand, afraid that if he looked up she would see his eyes glistening with the tears that were threatening to fall. "Remember the first time we came out here? I can't tell you how we wound up out here, I think we were at a party you decided wasn't fun enough so you thought a swim at the beach in October would be more fun. But we never made it in the water that night. Instead we sat right here in this spot and talked. You talked about your parents always being gone. You talked about how you hated being alone. You talked about how you were glad you'd set Haley and Nathan up, but you missed it just being you and her against the world. But you'd said it was ok, as long as she was happy. And I'd talked about Dan, and my mom and Keith, and how the bond that was forming between me and Nathan was new territory but I was happy with where it was headed. We'd talked about all of those things, and more, and I remember all of it. But the thing I remember most about that night was the promise we made to one another. We promised that this would always be our spot. This would be the spot we could come to and talk and there would be no judging, no criticizing, no fighting. Just you and me and whatever we needed to say. I asked you here tonight to see if that was still true. I want to talk to you and I know that I deserve the judging and the criticizing and I know that you should fight me, but I need this spot to still be what it was. Everything has changed so much, and I know I'm to blame for a lot of it, but I need this spot to remain. Please." he looked up as he finished, his eyes pleading with hers to agree to it.

After a few minutes of seriously considering telling him it wasn't possible anymore and taking off on him, she decided against it. "So, I can still yell at you when we aren't on the beach, right?" she asked, kinking her eyebrow and smiling.

He'd laughed and relaxed almost immediately. "I still don't know where to start though. You deserve more than I can give you, more than I could ever give you and definitely more than I have given you. I don't know if it helps or makes things worse, but there hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't wished that things would have been different. I know it probably makes you madder because I wished for that and didn't do anything about it. But I hope that on some level it helps so you know I didn't just totally forget about you. I know more than you think, actually."

Looking over at her, he'd continued, "I know that college was hard for you, but it actually made you and Nate closer. I know that Felix cheated on you and it took everything in me not to fly out to LA and kick his ass when I found out. I know that you found a great friend in Millicent, and I know that she set you up with her cousin, Chase, but you guys just didn't click. I know that you moved back home because that's where your heart really was, and I know that you spend most of your free time with Nathan, Haley, and James. I know that your company you started in your home with Millicent has grown more than you could have imagined, yet, no matter how big it gets your refuse to not be a hands-on boss and you won't work weekends because you won't give up your time with my mom, Nathan and Haley. I know Lily wishes you were her sister rather than me her brother. I know that you meet my mom every Saturday morning for coffee and catching up. And I know that lately, you've decided that to fill the void in your heart, you want to adopt."

Brooke looked over at him, her eyes glistening, "How did yo-"

"Just because I never called you, didn't mean I never asked about you or checked up on you, Brooke. So, now that you know all of that, where do you want me to start?"

She thought about all the things she could say right now, all the questions she'd wanted to ask him over the last eight years, but never could. All the why's and the how could you's she'd wanted to ask, but none of those seemed to fit this moment here with him. After careful thought, she looked over at him and smiled a small, sad, smile. "I just have two questions...for now, anyway. Luke, why are you here? Why are you in Tree Hill right now unexpectedly?"

"How do you know it was unexpectedly?" he'd tried to joke. Seeing no smile from her, he faced the ocean again. "Yeah, mom and Haley didn't buy that line either. I'll tell you the same thing I told them, it was time. Peyton and I had grown apart, had been for years, but both of us were too alike and too comfortable to do anything about it. We'd known it was coming, and it should have happened years ago. I shouldn't have let her control me the way she did and I shouldn't have followed her to Savannah the way I did. But she was safe, ya know? We are the same, which is more boring than you would ever know, but we are. No passion, no spark, no nothing there. Just the same. Which meant neither of us would argue or fight or say it out loud. But, it's the truth. You set us up because you thought we would fit together, and we did, but that's not the kind of love I want to grow old with. It was safe, though. And we know how un-adventurous I am without Brooke Davis around, so I stayed and she stayed and we were both miserable. Eventually, it became too much, we blew up at each other, calmed down, admitted it was over and here I am."

Looking over at him she saw that same look in his eyes she'd seen this afternoon in the cafe. After staring for a moment, she shook her head and smiled. "Lucas Scott, I know you better than that. That's your mom answer and your Haley answer because you don't want to tell them what really happened. So, tell me, there's more to it than that, isn't there?"

He smiled at her, and continued, "still think you know me, huh? Well, you're right, there's more. The fight? The night it became too much? Well, it was because I came home earlier than she'd expected and I'd found her in bed with her business partner, Jake. Turns out, they'd had a history together from high school before she'd moved to Tree Hill and that they'd been seeing each other for over a year. She'd told me he completed her. Told me he made her feel alive. But told me she didn't want to hurt me, and that's why she'd kept in a secret for so long. Crazy, right? How long did she plan on keeping that up? I'd gone off on her, told her I'd given everything up for her. She told me she never asked me to, and I responded that of course she never asked, she'd just expected me to. And it had been the truth. But yet there was one thing that she had actually asked me to give up. One thing that when she asked, I stupidly agreed to."

Taking a deep breath to and looking over to meet Brooke's eyes, "She didn't like where I was taking the conversation at that point, she'd turned white as the sheet she'd been holding around her, and I'd laughed. I started laughing because it all made sense now. We were each other's safety net. She turned me into hers when that guy Jake had told her a long distance relationship wouldn't work, and I let her be mine when she'd convinced me you and I didn't fit together and that we would drift apart eventually anyway, after all what did a cheerleading captain with a bubbly personality have in common with a brooding quiet basketball player anyway. I'd asked her what it was she loved about Jake so much, the two of them were complete opposites. Peyton had told me she couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but having him in her life- even if they were fighting- was better than him not being in it at all. It was then that she'd finally realized why you and I had worked so well. And she cried. She cried because she'd finally realized what we'd given up in order to be safe. It was the first meaningful conversation we'd had in years. So, after settling things there, here I am. Home, for good. Because even if you and I spend the next ten years fighting about all the time I've missed, that's better than not being around you at all."

Before he could even finish telling her that, tears had been pouring from her eyes. Their eyes met and in one swift movement, she was in his lap, snuggling into him. Both of them hugging, both of them with tears, both of them feeling whole again. And that's how they stayed for a while, neither wanting to move. After a few minutes, they repositioned themselves so that she was seated in between his legs with her back leaned into his chest. She pulled the blanket around them to try to warm them, and his hands found hers underneath the blanket and they laced fingers together. Both of them realizing that far too much time had passed since they'd been this close. A few more minutes of silence passed until Lucas spoke up, "So, was that one question or two?"

She laughed softly and snuggled into his chest further. "Oh Broody, I have plenty more questions for you. But, according to you, I have the next ten years of fighting with you to ask those." she'd replied playfully.

He smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head, "Yes you do Cheery, yes you do."


End file.
